i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
