I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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