I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
