I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
