You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
