she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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