u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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