Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
