i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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