so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
