She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
