over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
