someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
