I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
