I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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