Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
