He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
