Moan for me like Helen Keller
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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