when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
