i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
