i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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