Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
