it wasn't lemon gatorade
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
