btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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