I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
