WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
