this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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