apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wish my penis had a tongue
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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