I am in a vortex of obligation.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
