When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
