Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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