either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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