i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
