2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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