Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
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No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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