Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
