It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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