I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
