There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you didnt know i had herpes?
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I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
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I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…