This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009