Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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