Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.