Wipe that smile off your face.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?