I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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