i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
