Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
