I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
