Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
