its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
