if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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