I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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