i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i think i just lost a toe
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
