do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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