ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
