so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
