i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
