dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
