YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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