Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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