oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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