He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
