In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
