Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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