I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
