I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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