swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
