Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
