i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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