i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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