matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize