Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
