I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
