remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize