I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
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i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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