i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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