grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
