is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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