He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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